My baby daddy was a great partner. He was there during my pregnancy period, nursing me and ensuring I lacked nothing. My peace of mind was his greatest desire.
After childbirth, the same special treatment continued. Bills were paid on time, he encouraged me to forge ahead in my career, helped me network as much as possible and above all, held us in high esteem. My love for him grew daily.
Somewhere along the way, the rains started beating us. Communication went down. He only talked when necessary but still ensured we lacked nothing. Having him tell me his problems didn’t bear any fruits.
COVID period came and scattered everything. We weren’t used to staying together indoors 24/7, quarrels ensued. The only problem was that I was doing everything possible to keep the relationship alive because of our daughter as much as I noticed he wasn’t putting any effort. I knew he was losing interest in me but I didn’t want to accept that fact. I did everything to make him happy but his distant smile and preoccupied demeanor left me feeling unseen. His response to everything was lukewarm as well leaving me feeling like I was never enough.
One morning, he called me to our bedroom and broke the news I never wanted to hear. “Matete, I can’t continue with this relationship. You need to move on and get someone who loves you. We both worked to make this home habitable and I don’t want to hold on to anything. You are at liberty to take whatever you want to make your moving out easy or you can choose to stay here and I move out.”
I took some minutes to respond because this was a heavy moment for me.
“What about Skylar?”
“Skylar is mine. I’ll care for her as I’ve always done. You’ll get her financial support and I’ll spend as much time as possible with her. And if you feel that life is overwhelming, you can hand her over to me. I hope you’ll be mature enough not to use the baby to settle scores with me.”
“I’ll just pick a few things and move out. This house will give me unnecessary memories. You can have Skylar as much as you want.”
That marked the end of us. I was scared of finding love again because this man had set the bar too high and I knew getting a man like him wouldn’t be easy. He was also an exceptional father and I was worried of picking a wrong stepfather for my daughter. The future was scary.
The weight of unspoken words and unresolved emotions began to take a toll on me. I was unhappy and I needed to find comfort somewhere else. That’s where Ngatia came in.
Ngatia loved me years before I met baby daddy and he always expressed this. I didn’t love him but I finally accepted his offer because he got backup from my best friend.
“You’ll fall in love with time. Ngatia loved you years ago and he’s incapable of hurting you. I’m sure you’ll get attached and he’ll fill the void in your heart.” So she said.
Ngatia was gentle. He did everything with extreme care. He knew I was still hurting and wanted to give me the best he could to aid in my healing.
He took me to surprise fancy dates, bought me everything he could afford on my wishlist, cooked me dinner and watched me fall asleep. He went out of his way to make me happy.
Even while with Ngatia by my side, I would still think of baby daddy. I wondered if he had totally forgotten about me. He was still in contact with Skylar and supported her financially but never talked to me anything past the baby’s needs. He didn’t even tell me whether he was okay or not but I suspected he was okay because he sounded okay on the phone though his calls never exceeded two minutes. He was always straight to the point. As much as he wasn’t thinking about me, I was glad he had the baby in his mind.
One day, I woke up feeling nauseous and weak. Ngatia insisted I visit the hospital but I knew a good rest would do me good. I gave in because he was very adamant.
It was established that I was six weeks pregnant but they had to do a clinical abortion because of health risks. I could see the pain on Ngatia’s face but I didn’t feel a thing. I wasn’t ready for pregnancy and this was just a case of family planning gone wrong.
On our way back home, Ngatia couldn’t talk, the pain in his heart was too much. After a few days, he opened up.
“What happened has broken me in pieces and I don’t think I’ll recover anytime soon. I want to make a family with you. I’ve never loved a woman the way I love you and I want to make our union official. I want to visit your family and ask for your hand in marriage.”
In those few seconds, I noticed he was telling me exactly what I wanted to hear from my baby daddy. As much as he made effort, my heart wasn’t there. My heart was still with the father of my baby. I knew it would be unfair accepting his proposal and never returning the love he showed me.
“Ngatia, thank you for loving me and wanting to make us official. I reject your proposal because I have too much emotional garbage that I’m yet to work on. I wish to work on my emotional well-being before fully committing to any man. I’ve tried loving you but it hasn’t been easy and I don’t want to break your heart later after announcing to everyone that we’re a couple. Let me work on myself as you find yourself a suitable woman.”
After two years of dating, we parted ways.