When Skylar was about six or five, she randomly asked her father what would happen if she decided to get married at sixteen, all because her friend’s big sister had disappeared and got married that young.
She asked it innocently:
“Baba, what will you do if I get married at sixteen?”
Her father calmly said he would go for her from that man’s house because sixteen is still a child and no one has any business marrying at sixteen.
Skylar didn’t stop there.
“Okay… but what if I refuse to come back home? I’ll be an adult by then so it will be okay.”
Her father said he would beat her and jail both her and the husband.
We expected Skylar to be horrified that her father would beat her.
No.
She swept that part aside like it was a non-issue.
She gasped about the “husband”.
“Why would you beat my husband and my husband is not your child? What has my husband done to be beaten by you? Why would you disrespect my husband that much?”
Her father tried to explain the law and the under-age part. She eventually agreed to finish school before marriage. And we forgot that conversation.
Weeks later, she was playing with a friend outside. I was in the living room, quietly minding my business, when I heard the topic resurrect itself. The friend asked her whether her parents beat her.
Skylar, without hesitation, replied:
“My mother is soft. She rarely beats children. She only talks and I listen. My father is the evil one. He has a very dark heart.”
I froze. I have never spoken negatively about her father in front of her, so I wondered how she arrived at this conclusion.
The friend asked why Skylar thinks her father is bad.
Skylar explained in full:
“My father said he would beat me when I get married at sixteen. Why would a good father beat his child who is already big like sixteen? He even wants to jail me. Fathers who love their children don’t jail them because of marriage.”
The friend nodded in support, confirming, with full childhood confidence, that indeed Skylar’s father was strict and bad.
Skylar continued her case:
“He forces me to study hard and go to college yet I want to be a chef. Why does he want me in college when I want to be a chef? He said he won’t open a hotel for me if I don’t go to college.”
The friend supported her.
“Yes. Don’t go to college if you want to be a chef.”
Then the friend innocently asked what I think about her father jailing her.
Skylar answered on my behalf:
“My mother supports him. If she doesn’t, my father will jail both of us. He told me if my mother allows me to get married at sixteen, he will jail us both.”
The friend went quiet, then gave a wise piece of advice in her own wisdom:
“Then don’t get married at sixteen. Jail is bad. We can get married at seventeen. Seventeen is very old. People who are seventeen have jobs and money.”
They discussed, negotiated, and concluded that seventeen was mature enough. They would get married at seventeen since they’ll be “very old women with stable careers.”
I couldn’t take it anymore.
I shouted from the window:
“No marriage at seventeen either. Complete college, get a career, then get married!”
Skylar turned to her friend, shrugged, and said:
“I told you, my mother does what my father says. She is scared my father will jail her.”